Have you ever been to a stand up comedy show? There really funny if you didn’t know. Last night at the Great Homeschool Convention I went to my first stand up comedy show featuring Bob Smiley (hyper link to his website). I thought it would be a ton of jokes that I would not understand but i actually laughed three times. No Joke I only laughed hard three times. For a comedian Smiley should figure out funnier jokes.
The entire performance was totally not scripted, which, I guess is where the stand up part comes in but I really liked it. A good amount of the jokes were ones that i did not get but the rest was pretty funny. He told us about his life while making fun of himself and sometimes others. My three favorite story/jokes are the next three paragraphs.
Abraham Son and Bob Smiley‘s Son
You know the story about Abraham taking his son Isaac up the mountain to sacrifice him because God told him to? Well Bob Smiley’s son was reading that story in his bible when he and his dad went on a camping trip together. In the morning Bob came out of his tent and his son was reading the part of the story right before God saves Isaac. Right at that moment Bob asked if he wanted to go on a hike. His son was very scared and Mr.🙂 had to explain it all.
(In The Grocery Store, During Covid) “Stop Coughing”
One day before the lockdown 😁 and his wife were going into a Walmart. At the time 🙂 had a “cold” so his wife told him he must not cough. When the went inside 😁’s wife told him to go get batteries, instead of getting batteries he went to the clock section and began setting all the clocks to go off together. He turned around and there was 37 people standing there who knew who he was. Now 😁 is a kinda sorta famous person but not everyone knows who he is, I was one of them but now I know who he is. Anyway these people knew who he was and wanted autographs. As he was giving autographs he really needed to cough so he stepped to the side and coughed into his elbow. His wife just happened to be in the aisle next to him and she shouted “Stop Coughing!” The entire store became silent because this lady had just shouted at somebody who she (ppl were mistaken) did not know. 😂 walked around the corner to the next aisle and said
“Im sorry if I offended you Ma’am”
She said “Don’t Ma’am me!”
And he said “ Oh sorry I’m from the south where we have manners but if you don’t want me to call you Ma’am i’ll just assume your name is Karen.”
She said “ This guy is my husband!” Which was true.
And he said “ I have never met you in my life ma’am” Apparently that night was the first time Smiley 😂 took an Uber.
Chicken of The Tree
One of the things 🙂 liked to do with his sons was eat squirrel meat. So one time, a friend of his sons came over for dinner and they had squirrl for dinner 😬. The next morning the friends mom came over and said “my sone had dinner at your house last night.” Bob was like “ yeah it was fun.” The lady said something like “It is to my understanding that you fed him squirrel meat!?!?” He answered “Its Chicken of the Tree.” ( Hyper link to Chicken of the Tree T shirt)
The Abraham story was totally the funniest story in the whole show. It just was very ironic and so random. The covid story was just plain hilarious I mean the whole I’m from the south and I have manners was hilarious. I just accidentally put two words on top of each other! That’s hilarious! Chicken of the tree (no offense 😂 ) was a little gross. Squirrels are little turds. They tease dogs and are pests. I can see that my argument is not very good there, none the less squirrels are as bad as Fat Tail! Comedy is a necessary part of life for everyone. It should be a fact on google. You know what is a fact, laughing is really good for you! One really good way to laugh is to watch funny things! 🤯 Wow that was hard to figure out.
Average Boy Aka Bob Smiley
Bob Smiley also created a character called Average Boy. The Average Boy books are devotionals with lots of funniness. There is also an Average Boy podcast which i listen to and I think no matter how cheesy it is, it is still really good to listen to. Each episode is like 20 minuets and has some life lesson in it or devotional. I know I am advertising this but it is really good stuff and you should at least check it out.
Sydney, Cape Town, and Seattle are three of my favorite cities. Cape Town for the People, Sydney for the City, and Seattle because we lived there for many years, and I love it there. Sydney has this really awesome bus system where its all ferry’s and since the city is built on a huge inlet with the north head and south head it makes this possible. Every few blocks there is a ferry station on the water and you can just hop on and off!
Sydney was a penal colony of England. After America shut its doors to prisoners being brought there, England was in a fix. They had several ships stuck in the in london river with tons of prisoners dying and going crazy. Londoners were very worried about a prison break. Most of these prisoners were petty thieves. For example if you stole a pair of stockings, you could get hanged! Instead, these people received a “pardon” and were sent to places to make new farmland and colonies.
A few years earlier an expedition went to Botany Bay (which is right next to Manly Bay where Sydney is located) and they saw beautiful lush land perfect for farms. Little did they know that Botany Bay goes into this lush state once every three years, the rest is spent in drought. The only thing they did not see was that beyond the cliffs of the North and South head stood amazing farmland.
Finally the government sent eleven ships, six of which were full of prisoners. The ships went from England to Rio to Cape Town to Sydney. When they went to Rio, guess what they spent most of their money on? RUM! Literally, a Boatload of Rum was bought. They didn’t even have Jack Sparrow to influence them! Now, these blokes weren’t very creative with naming things, probably due to the rum but when the first expedition came, they saw a very Botanical Bay and creatively named it botany bay.
Between Cape Town, South Africa, where they bought livestock and seeds, and Australia, all the ships got separated in a huge storm, and none of them knew if the other ships were okay. Surprisingly they all reached Botany bay within one day of each other. Sad for them, they saw dry land in Botany Bay, horrible for farming with no streams. They were so disgusted by what they found that they did not even let the prisoners off who had been stuck in the hold of the ship for eight months! Thankfully some of the men took a boat around the point and saw the beautiful manly bay! They actually saw the two heads, which were scraggly cliffs, but they went in and saw streams and perfect farmland. They also saw some natives who looked very Manly, so they named the bay Manly Bay. Again, they were not exactly creative with names. Soon all the ships were in the harbor, and they all lived happily ever after. No, they had a very hard time living because the soil was not too great, but now it is the most beautiful city ever!
If you’re interested in the history of the last two hundred years in Sydney there’s this thing called chatGPT….. Im serious Chat GPT can write you paragraphs of history that is all original!
The Opera House
We had the amazing experience of watching an Opera in the Sydney Opera House! The Opera House is located on a peninsula in the city. In sydney there is the inlet and at the main ferry hub there is all the skyscrapers and the rocks which will explain later. The maps below this paragraph are worth looking to give you a general idea of where everything is. Walking to the Opera House from the back was weird because in pictures you always see the iconic waves and the arch things. The inside made up for everything else on the outside. The ceilings were vaulted and they had really really cool lighting. I still don’t really understand how there is so many theaters in the Opera House or how the layout works. When we walked to our theatre there were all these cool walls which as I just found out are actually designed after the sails on a boat, not waves. The acoustics were surprisingly not what I thought they would be. The singing and music was amazing but there was no amplifying of the sound that I noticed. The Sydney Opera House was a very amazing experience and I would go back.
Three Tours
We did three tours in Sydney and all of them were the best. The first one was a tour of the city where we learned all the cities history. In almost all the places we go we do some sort of history education experience #homeschoolingwhiletravling. We do this to learn the history of the place but it also is part of school. Thats where this blog comes in to tell everybody about the amazing stories around the world. Back to the history tour. In most cities the history all sound the same, native people lived mostly peacefully then a European country comes in and invades claiming the land and starting a new country but also upprooting the lives of the people who actually had claim to the land. Sydneys history was actually slightly different. Or mabey it was told in a different way. I actually found it very interesting and we even got to visit some really old intact buildings from when the city was growing up.
Tour two was climbing the bridge that spans the harbor. In one of the photos I circled it to show you where it is. The amount of getting ready was alot. It was like we were in an assembly line to get ready to climb the bridge! When we started we were underneath the road then we got to the stairs/ladders. By stairs i mean the kind you have leading to a loft where its like a ladder but not straight up. As we were climbing past the road and all the cars my only though was don’t look down. I can tell you people are not joking when they say don’t look down. Its not a fake thing if you don’t look down its less scary for most ppl. I looked down and that did me absolutely no good. I could see all the way to the cars and beyond that to the water. When we got to the top arch it was just stairs to the summit of the arch. We were all insanely thirsty and I really wanted water. You might be wondering why i did not bring a water bottle but let me tell you, you couldn’t bring anything. You couldn’t even smuggle things like a phone or camera in your pockets. To even start putting on gear we had to put on jumpsuits as if we were parachuting. Then there was a metal detector and the other hand metal detectors after we put the jumpsuits on. They had good reason for all this seemingly ridiculous security. The didn’t want us bringing something and either dropping it or having it cause us to drop/fall. They took lots of pictures for us and I will show some at the end of the next two or three paragraphs. At the top i asked if anybody had ever proposed on the bridge because i was thinking how badly that would go. Surprisingly they said yes lots of people. I was like sure that makes perfect since amazing proposal then oh no! The ring has fallen to the sea or cars! The guy i asked explained that there was a special wristband to keep the ring from falling. I still don’t understand how that would work. One last thing. As we were gearing up i was being handed gear and a person clipped on this black thing to my harness and told me it was a parachute! I was instantly thinking parachute? Mom did not tell me we were jumping off! I asked if it was really a parachute and how it would work and I was told it was actually a raincoat. (This was true)
Five starts to Bridge Climb Sydney! Amazing unforgettable experience and great people.
Kayaking Tour
Third experience was a kayak tour throughout the harbor. we went to three beaches and they were all beautiful. Beach One had a little waterfall on it and mom was daring us kids to go under it for fifteen seconds. All of my siblings were saying it was freezing so naturally i went to stand under it. It really was not freezing at all. It was not even as could as a beach in oregon! We did not spend alot of time at the first beach nor the second beach. Beach two was long and very shallow. It was surprisingly only accessible by water. There was no trail or road to get to it. On a big rock in the back was an inscription that was very hard to read. I don’t remember what it said but it looked very old. We learned that this beach had been used to store tanks during some war. I asked how that was physically possible because it was not accessible by land. Our guide said the tanks were moved by boat but i think thats a bad idea because if your boat gets sunk then you have to say goodbye to very expensive machinery. Paddling to the third beach was just beautiful. We could see the north and south heads and our guide told us a little story about a zoo on one of the heads. He said this zoo was partially an open zoo where the animals could roam around. You could also camp in the zoo but the more carnivorous animals were kept in enclosed in habitats. One day the lions (i may be wrong) escaped. The alarm was sounded early enough that everybody got out in time and the lions we put back in their places. Backstory to the climax there is a bird that can mimic almost any sound. It learned to mimic the sound of the alarms so it thought it was funny to make that sound and scare everyone! Everyone evacuated again but it became clear that nothing had escaped.
The third beach was a former coal mine hub, hospital, penitentiary and had military history. There was another rock here and it had dozens of inscriptions in it from exploration expeditions, prisoners and people. There was a coffee shop and a little museum but we were running low on time so we had to start the long kayak back to the boat club that we came out of. The adventure was super awesome and very beautiful, i would totally do it again and bring friends with me.
Most Beautiful City (so Far)
Sydney was literally so amazing! I know the adjectives I’m using are not very fancy but i have to say it was just amazing! I very much look forward to going back with my family and exploring new sights.
Okay, Australia has a reputation for having dangerous animals, but after Africa, I am now not super scared of Australia. Our first place to stay in Australia was Cairns in Queensland. They call Queensland The Sunshine State! So that makes Queensland the Florida of Australia. It was so stressful getting into Australia! You can’t have any food going through biosecurity, especially meat and vegetables, and fruit. I had a chicken sandwich in my bag (I thought it was fine) and some peppers (I honestly thought I had thrown them out). Thankfully, the very lovely Bio Security lady only gave me a warning and did not fine us. The long Bio Screening wait and the Chicken Sandwich caused us to miss the small bag drop window for our flight, which meant we could not get on it. FYI, that flight was canceled later, so it is good I had that chicken sandwich. The lady at the Qantas desk said she could re-book us on a Jet Star flight. She gave us Taxi coupons and told us where to go.
Jetstar was way better than Qantas. I know this because I have taken a Qantas flight, and it was okay. FYI, if you are on a flight and love funny movies, Ticket to Paradise is hilarious! On the flight, I got three complimentary snacks because we had to move flights, and I enjoyed my time as much as you can on an airplane. When we got to Carins, it was So Hot! I was wearing pants, and it felt like it was 100 degrees. It was probably only 93, but it was still so hot. We got the rental car out, and it was literally as hot as an oven. We went to our Airbnb inside a hotel. We love Airbnb’s because you have your own kitchen, and you can have a lot more room! The rest of the day we spent in the pool and eating dinner.
Cairns Exploration
We did not do a lot inside cairns, we spent two of our days Scuba Diving, but I will tell you about that in a post probably called Great Barrier Reef Diving. What we did outside of cairns is more important. On Tuesday, after we had done all of our diving, we went to have breakfast with the koalas. We went to Hartleys Crocodile Adventure and ate breakfast. It was more like koalas as a dessert for breakfast. Not to be eaten but to pet and look at. The Koala was adorable, and its fur was velvety. Koalas, in my opinion, would be an okay pet, but they sleep most of the day and eat so much! They sleep for up to 20 hours a day and eat 500 grams of eucalyptus daily! Sadly for the koalas, they were not my favorite thing. After the Koalas, we went on a Crocodile cruise. The tour guide got the crocodiles to jump out of the water to get meat chunks off a stick. It really was amazing to see just how stealthy the crocs can be, I saw one surface and swim word the boat, but it went under and appeared at the front of the boat, and it surprised the guide. The crocodile sanctuary (I don’t know if it was an actual sanctuary, but they kept the crocodiles and fed them and took care of them) had once held the world’s second oldest crocodile! You might have noticed from my writing that crocodiles were not my favorite.
The Black-Headed Python and Inland Taipan
The Snakes were my favorite. While I wouldn’t say I like snakes that are threatening me, I Love Snakes that I can hold or touch and look at. I got to hold a Black-Headed Python! It felt so muscly and thick, but the skin felt so thin. I could really feel its muscles moving, and it was really cool to feel it wrap around my hand. The Black-Headed Python can grow up to 6.6ft and is found in the upper coastal part of Australia. It is one of the only types of Snake that can eat other venomous snakes! The Python is not venomous. It is a constrictor which means it squeezes its prey to death. We had to go to the snake show, so I had to leave the Python. At the snake show, a man held a very short, fat python. It was a short-tailed python because it had a short tail. Next, he brought out an Inland Taipan. The deadliest Snake in the world. Deadly means the most fatal venom, not that it has killed the most humans. The handler was holding it; if it wanted to, it could have bit him and me and gotten away. Thankfully this one was specially bred to be handled and okay with the show. It was not a trained snake, but that would be cool to see. People rarely see an Inland Taipan because they like to hide. They mainly eat rodents and small prey.
Babina Boulders
After the Crocodiles we went to Babina Boulders, an area with a river and boulders. We drove for a while, and when we got there, I seriously doubted this would be any fun. It was fun; I sat in the freezing water, reading my Agatha Christie. The boys jumped off a massive tree into the river, and I was the only one not to get fully in the water. My book was exciting, and spoiler alert, somebody dies. Many people do, and I think what makes Agatha Christie so interesting to read is her colossal plot twists. The entire day was fun but quite exhausting.
When I woke up this morning, I did not know what we would do or if we would do anything. I went downstairs, and Mom and Dad were talking about some place we could go. I soon figured out that we could go zip lining on an island that Mom really wanted to visit. I remember our last zip-lining experience in Mexico with some very good friends. Me Zeb, B, Mom, and Dad were in the car and off to Waiheke! Dad said we had to leave in fifteen minutes, and I was still eating breakfast! Fifteen minutes is plenty of time to get out the door if you are not going slow.
The Ferry
You usually take a ferry to get to an island by a car. Thankfully our car could transform init a boat, so we did not have to deal with the annoying discomforts of a ferry. I’m completely joking! I don’t think any machine can transform the way I was talking about. We did take the ferry, and it was very comfortable sitting in our car for forty-five minutes. 🙂
Batch vineyard and Restaurant
For lunch, we went to Batch Restaurant. It was also a vineyard, but we did not taste wine. The Venue was super pretty, and the service and food were terrific. It was a restaurant where you ordered a couple of shared plates. We got Duck and short ribs. In my opinion, the Duck leg was way better, and it tasted like a holiday. We had a Gluten Free red velvet doughnut and Hokey Pokey Ice Cream. Hokey Pokey Ice Cream is Vanilla Ice Cream with honeycomb toffee in it. It is so good, and I would highly recommend it! We went to the Zipline after lunch and waited for a little before the adventure.
Eco Zip Zip Lining
Hills of Jungle and vineyards surrounded Eco Zip, there were only three Zip-lines, but they were still really fun. The first line was called Vineyard cruise. It was a very creative name, given that you cruised over a vineyard. The second line was called Jungle Cruise because you were cruising over Jungle. These people were very creative with names. The third one was the biggest and longest, so it was named shorty. I’m joking, it was called…. I don’t remember, but from now on, it is named Shorty.
After we flew through thick air ( I don’t know why people call air thin if you are not at high altitude, it is rather thick near sea level) we took a long walk through the Jungle. We saw 400-year-old trees and a one thousand and something-year-old tree. Near the end of the hike, we came to a tree about two feet wide and fifty or so feet tall. Our guide told us it was a tree that the Maori used to build canoes, and at its oldest, it grew to eight meters wide and so tall that I can’t remember the number! After we saw the big tree, we came across a large pile of rocks. We all thought it was a grave marker of somebody who had died while ziplining, but it was just a pile of stones that people had made. It was not very interesting. The exciting thing was a palm tree. I am not pulling your leg here; these palm trees were OLD. A baby one that had not even formed an actual trunk was TEN years old and only to my knees. About two and a half feet tall. There were lots of these palm trees, and they were all so old. Older than cars and even the united states. It’s a little funny when you think about it, one of the trees was about six hundred feet tall. When it was about 200 just trying to stay alive and grow, meanwhile some hotheaded blokes got a crazy idea to start their own country.
“All alone, across the sea, when your people say they hate you, don’t come crawling back to me.”
After ziplining, we took a rocket to the moon (we took the ferry back home). Zip lining was fun, the ferry was excellent, and New Zealand was Rainy! It was fun, but my other adventures that you can read about in New Zealand Update were totally tubular! For all who love Zip Lining, the BEST zip lining is in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It is called Vallarta Adventures, and it is a once (or 100) in a lifetime experience; every person should do it.
Mom and dad coming off of Shorty the zip lineMom and Me waiting for the second line!Ziplining EquipmentFungus mushroomsIm practicing my Micro PhotographyJust a FernAn Old big tree but not the one I talked aboutTreesThe Auckland tower at night
