I interviewed a pheasant named Albert Meat. He and the most honorable profession of first-class pheasant flyer. Of course, being a bird he did not know that really he was, every day taken out to be turned into bacon-wrapped pheasant bites. He had an interesting view on pheasant hunting. His way of thinking of it is much more….. hopeful.
Me: “What does your job require you to do?”
Mr. Meat: “Well, each day I sit in a tower and people pick me up and toss me out into the wide world full of whizzing leaves. I fly through the air dodging the leaves and I fly to my roost where I have a feast and sleep till the next day. Although, every time, lots of my colleagues fall to the ground after being struck by the whizzing leaves, but every time, I make it back to the roost. “
Me: “So do you know why your colleagues fall to the ground when they, well when they are hit by, uh, whizzing leaves?”
Mr. Meat: “Yes, there are humans with the leaf shooters on the ground and they have dogs to find my fallen colleagues when they leave the flock. The dogs then transport them to the Lovely Land of Eternal Feasts.”
Me: “Ok, so, um, have you ever had friends fall to the dogs?”
Mr. Meat: “Yes, one day me and Phil were taken out together but he fell. He was so lucky. *nods head* The old, wise, Mr. Living who has survived years of flights, said that the humans are taking us to the tower to be turned into easy game for hunters, but clearly he is crazy. The Humans here are just too nice to kill us like that. They let us have fun flying and randomly select us to go to the Lovely Land of Eternal Feasts and I can hardly wait until I am selected.”
Me: “Well, there are easier ways to go to the, um, Lovely Land of Eternal Feasts.” Mr. Meat: “You must tell me, I have waited too long for my eternal feast!”
Me: “Tomorrow, fly towards the leaf shooters.”